tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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