Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
