The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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