Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
