**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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