It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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