I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
