my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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