i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
