wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
