she looked like the before picture.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
