In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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