I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
