they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
