What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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