be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
