I will die if light touches me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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