Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
