Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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