Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My vagina just clenched in fear
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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