ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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