doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
