is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's shark week go big or go home
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
