Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
