ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
