I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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