I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
