I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
