did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I will be naked everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize