he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize