home. puking in laundry basket.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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