i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
