Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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