Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
