think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
