Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
