I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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