By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
