shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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