Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think my moral compass just broke
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