For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
