too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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