Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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