You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
