**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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