i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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