I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
