I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
