i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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