he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's never too late to be topless.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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