..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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