i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
