I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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