I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
