I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she pinky promised me she was 18
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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