All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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