She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
