Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
