When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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