woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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