Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
