Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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