How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
