it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
