you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
