you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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