she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize