just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
