it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
