How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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