Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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